Chinese Parenting (II) - Favouritism

In line with my general horribleness of late, I was pretty short with my mother last night over the phone.  I guess it was the culminations of weeks (months) of "non-helpful" comments from my parents about my child raising abilities that did it.  Everything from implying that I was somehow making my son sick with the way I was looking after him, how I was stirring the congee too much and giving him "wind", how I shouldn't be giving home made yoghurt to my children (despite the fact that my son is a crap milk drinker), how their home is more Christmassy than ours, how my dad refuses to have dinner at our house because we can't provide a palatable meal, how the organic fruit and veggies I buy for my family are actually not good for them etc., to name but a few.  

Comments, yes they can send me in a rage and with time my anger will lessen, but the one thing that breaks my heart is seeing the blatant favouritism for my son over my daughter.  This is not uncommon in Chinese culture, and my father is by far the worst offender.  (He was the eldest only surviving son with six younger sisters, so he was really doted on).  But in this day and age, where there are no property or inheritance rights at stake, why is my son considered more worthy of love and attention than my daughter?  

My daughter may be young, but I believe she has picked up on what's going on, she used to ask about her "Gong Gong" all the time, he was by far the most favoured grandparent (my mum was in London at that time) when she was younger, even though he wasn't the one she saw the most.  Now she rarely mentions him outside of visits.  

My mum (still won't admit that it is so) is more conscious of her interactions with them now, and tries very admirably to be fair.  But my dad, doesn't even try to deny it and has repeatedly asked to take Baby O back to their home and look after for a period of time (days and weeks, I'm talking here).   I don't have a problem with the kids staying over with them, but not when they only want one of them.  I said, if they take one, then they have to take the other.  Silence.  "We can't handle them both" was the reply.  "Ok, so take Toddler A then".  Silence.  

Basically the above conversation was repeated regularly for months and months, and finally culminated in my dad screaming at me over the phone that I should let them take the Baby because I didn't know how to look after him properly and that's why he was always sick.  I cried that night, the first time since I had second trimester spotting and I thought I was going to lose my son.  

My dad and I haven't spoken properly since then, not that we ever had "heart to hearts" or anything.  Now, we are just courteously ignoring each other more or less.  It's sad, but I'm not sad, I can't be.  I can't change the way he thinks, my daughter will learn to be more resilient and figure out that life is sometimes not fair through no fault of her own.