These past few days I have been looking at my son in disbelief because he turns 1 tomorrow. How can it be so soon? It seemed I blinked and here he is now, this walking, babbling, giggling, climbing, mischievous little monkey. So he's officially a toddler now I guess?
The Western upbringing in me is telling me, I need to teach him to be more independent, hold his bottle, self feed, re-teach him how to settle himself to sleep again (he did this beautifully for months but for some reason this all went belly up a few weeks ago).
The Chinese-ness in me is saying, but he's still a baby. Enjoy this time because it will (and evidently has) pass by so quickly. If I let him hold his bottle, all he does is throw it on the floor and think its funny. When I let him self feed, it just ends up everywhere (table, floor, hair, clothes, ears, face, me) and is so messy. I can't stop myself from wiping him/ surroundings as soon as it is smeared with food because if I don't the splats would just compound and become unbearable. But this is something that I'm just going to have to get over because Toddler A is regressing, she sees the extra attention the Baby is getting and wants in on the action. She has now stopped feeding herself and no amount of bribery is working. She thinks it's fun to be like her brother. Aiya.
As for the sleeping, he would happily be put down in his cot awake for naps and at night, I'd give him his cloth, walk away and when I check on him a few minutes later he would be asleep. It felt like magic. Then for some unfathomable reason (not teething, not new illnesses etc), a few weeks ago, it all changed. When he was left alone he would cry and cry and then vomit. So I was reluctant, or felt unable to let him cry it out alone in his cot. This boy can will himself to vomit (even when he is not ill), I have seen it happen when he doesn't like what he is eating and on occasions when he doesn't get his way.
I am horrified that I am being manipulated in this way, but aside from giving in on this I don't know what to do. Cleaning up vomit is not my idea of fun, nor does it make me a better mother.
I helped out at my daughter's class a few months back. Cooking of all things. She attends the international stream so there is good mix of nationalities amongst the 20 kids. We worked with the kids in small groups to make some icing, which involved stirring, mixing, spreading and sprinkling.
Interestingly, (and this is a generalisation) most of the kids from "Western" countries of origin (America, UK, Italian, French, German, Israel etc) worked way more independently that the HK, Indian, Japanese children. Some kids in the latter group just sat there frowning at the spoon and bowl, probably thinking, what do you want me to do with that? They needed a lot more help, prompting and some didn't do anything at all. My daughter was totally disinterested and refused to sit still at the table.
I was really surprised by what I witnessed and felt a bit of a failure as a mother to be perfectly honest. Am I too soft on my kids and pampering them too much? Do I need to be a bit more insistence in getting them to do more for themselves? Or will my preference for an easier life (i.e. no shouting, tantrums or harsh discipline) and general laziness rule? What do you do when each meal becomes a power struggle? How do you convince yourself that she will be fine if all she will eat is a couple of spoonfuls of food? How do you do this everyday, 4 times each day without losing your cool?
Or is it ok to "enjoy" the baby period a bit longer because eventually they will do all those things independently? It seems the harder we insist on the eating issues, the more resistance is put up. Should we just wait until she feels she's a big enough girl to feed herself? Or chip away at it each day hoping she gets it before I go insane? I don't know.
No comments:
Post a Comment